Remembering to Fill Up.

I’ve been struggling—and this has happened to me before.

I get busy and productive and while I still have time in the evenings and weekends to do my dream, bask in what makes me happy…I don’t seem to do it.

It shows up as a  real lack of connection with myself (which feels awful!) Though I spend plenty of time alone, I feel disconnected, and it’s this awful little void that seems to suck the day away. Today though, actually, moments ago something has shifted, a realization (hallelujah!) struck me, as I sat down at my writing desk from a day at work.

My first thoughts as I arrived home were what I needed to do now, what work I should dive into, what pioneering lay ahead. After all, until the work is done, I can’t  reflect, listen in peace, or sit still. Everyone knows you work all day and then at the last minutes, have a bit of time for yourself, right?

No more!

Here’s what it comes down to: yin and yang.

Respectively: inwards and outwards. stillness and motion. looking in and charging out. Ooh, here’s the best one: filling up and pouring out.

You get the picture? And they have to balance; there’s no other way, if you deny one it will eventually happen, but its way better feeling to balance them yourself.

We can run and run and run getting things done, until we crash and are forced into a more yin state (never fun).

We can also, like i’ve been doing: run and run and then think we need to keep running, so we do—but not effectively, since we should really be taking time to fuel up again.

That’s what has been happening with me: working all day, and then coming home and trying to tackle my own active-business, saving any reflection, me-time and relaxation for “later” .

As soon as I get busy, It’s easy to forget everything I know about balancing activity with stillness.

Because I am skipping part of this cycle: the part that asks to balance the work of the day with some quality reflection/relaxation time, all that work I try to get done once I get home is half-hearted, drags on and feels as though nothing gets done

Then, once nothing has gotten done, do you think I allow myself time to reflect, tune in and relax? No way!

I’m all “Wow since I didn’t get anything done, why would I take a break?”

I perpetuate my own cycle (go team!)

But today has been different: I worked and came home, and instead of busying myself once more, I decided to sit and write first, and look out the window, and bathe in the quiet for a bit.

And you know what? It’s exactly what I needed. I’ve filled up, and only now am I in a place where I can pour out again. I actually feel like I can accomplish something now.

What a great day it is, to remember that everything is in cycles, even within the day.

We can either pour out all day, only to finally collapse into filling up as we fall asleep at night…

Or pour out a little, fill up a little, pour out a little, fill up a little…and I know which one I prefer.


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