F*&$ it! Vulnerability for Beginners Like Me.


“To be great is to be misunderstood.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today was a great day, I danced outside my car, had great conversation and fun with my best friend, colored my hair deep reds and sang my heart out.

And I acknowledged, I greeted everyone I passed and some didn’t return my reach, but today, I was okay with that.

Today was a day I felt completely open and transparent, free from caring what the world thought, how it perceived me or responded to me.

This is not always the case, there are, equally days I am instantly hurt or offended when I am “rejected” by pieces of the world. The work I have to do is illuminated when I find myself bothered by a return I get on opening up—

because that means I wasn’t truly willing to be vulnerable.

That’s the hard part of vulnerability, the piece that can make it so unappealing…when you don’t get back what you hope for or expect.

But that is why vulnerability is so wonderful; it is the gamble that makes it so valuable. It is the lack of guarantee that allows it to cultivate strength in us.

Because we can be rejected, it is tremendously powerful to be willing to open ourselves to that same rejection.

And that is the work in becoming vulnerable, to strive for approval from only ourselves, to become self-sufficient in the deepest way and leave behind the need for approval from others. It’s a long, but worthwhile road…but I’m feeling more and more equipped to set out and walk it.

If we are to fulfill our great role to it’s grandest expression in this world, we will need to be willing to walk fiercely our own path and truth. We must be willing to ask no one permission, but ourselves.

Sure, we can follow someone else’s view of what the ideal, “right” life is, and we might be fabulous in their book. But you know what? We still won’t be grand in everyone elses’.

The whole world will never agree with you, you may please one or some, but still, others will reject the truth you seem to live.

So, f*@& it! Am I right?

The one person whose opinion matters is ourselves. What we feel of ourselves—how true to oruselves we are—is the core of our being, it impacts every action, every confidence, every willingness.

Let’s keep it real here: We birth to this world alone and must, in our final moment be alone. Whose truth should we be loyal too?

An authentic relationship with ourselves is the most profound one we can have, living our own truth is the only one that will ever fulfill us.

The times I spot myself eating my feelings, or craving glases of wine, or other escapes, are ever-so-conveniently the times I, if I pause to spot them, am aligning with someone elses truth—or at the very least am simply not stepping up to my own, in exchange for cheap gratification.

These are easy habits to form that result in burying of our own truth and soul desires…which, if we are willing to uncover them, hurt so much more than the initial pain of rejection, of being misunderstood.

I have yet to read Brené Brown’s “Daring Greatly”, but the title has finally sunken home with me.

We must be willing to dare to be ourselves, we must be willing to witness the uncertain results of putting our authentic selves forward to be truly vulnerable, and therefore truly rich.

But it feels so good—it feels so true each moment that we choose to be our uniquely crazy selves. And we all are—crazy, that is.

Crazy and full of our own path and truth.

Maybe you deny it, or maybe you’ve forgotten what your crazy truth is, maybe it’s buried deep underneath other peoples ideas of what and who you should be… and yet, its still all perfect for you, right now.

You’re still where you need to be.

But maybe, this (yep this right…here!) is your sign that it is time to start becoming aware of that missing piece, and tune into uncovering what it is.

I feel like everything I write comes down to simply choosing more and more moments to align with what we want to uncover in ourselves. But, that’s just how it always is. Its simple, not easy…but simple, and that’s something.

What we seek is already a part of us, we have only to expose it, more and more, until it—when the time is ripe—stops hiding.


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